Can You Hear Me Now?

This weekend was full of mis (Miss?) communication.

Friday night I checked in with Critter and found her listening to her iPod stereo system and writing a note to a friend.

JewelGeek: Hey, I wanted to share a funny with you.

Critter: Yeah?

JewelGeek: So the other day CrafterKat was loading up songs onto her Zune and she said, "Who is this Vampire Weekend?" And I laughed and said that I knew them because of the song Oxford Comma * and Critter knows them because of A-Punk, which is a song that I like, too.

Critter: I know! I was so surprised that you knew who they were because you usually only know Old People. But you knew who they were and you totally earned a Point.

JewelGeek, beaming at her new status: I did? I got a Super Mom Point? What am I up to now?

Critter: Zero.

JewelGeek, shocked: What? But... but... I just earned a point!

Critter: Well, you were at minus one but now you're up to zero.

JewelGeek, still in shock, but happy that Critter knows her negative numbers: But... but... I thought I was ahead. How did I get to minus one?

Critter: Well, there was that thing you wrote on the blog that one time...? About snot? Like you said "Groovey" or something. Don't worry, I have confidence you'll be up to Five or so sooner or later.

JewelGeek, thinking hard: I know Bruises by Chairlift. I like that song.

Critter: I don't know what you're talking about.

JewelGeek, eyeing her iPod: Don't you have that song? (sings) "I got brusies on my knees for you, I got grass stains on my knees for you..."

Critter: I don't know what you're talking about... (jumps up and runs to the iPod system). Do you know this song?

JewelGeek, singing along: "Look at this photograph..." Nickelback.

Critter: Good job. One Point. Do you know this song? (plays another song).

JewelGeek, singing along: "If you were falling, then I would catch you. You need a light, I'd find a match." Ingrid... (pausing, so she doesn't get her name mixed up with the other Ingrid she knows...)

Critter: Michaelson. One more point. How about this one? (plays another song)

JewelGeek, listening... and listening.... and frowning...: Um... If I say I know it, do I get a Point?

Critter: No! You have to be truthful!


* Sorry, I could not locate the radio-censored version of this song!

* * * * * * * * *

Sunday night we visited a different Verizon store as we were still searching for the perfect phone. This store was far less crowded than the last and we were actually able to see and play with most models. At one point I texted CrafterKat from a phone: Nice keyboard but hard to find symbols. I giggled as I watched her retrieve the message; she was clearly wondering who was messaging her. From her model phone she texted: Boodle. Shut up.

Afterwards we got some food from Subway for Critter and headed back to the house.

JewelGeek: Can I have a Dorito?

Critter, handing over a chip: Sure.

JewelGeek: Thanks. Every once in awhile I like Doritos. Especially the Ranch ones.

Critter: I like Ranch corn nuts.

CrafterKat: Doh!

Critter: No, corn nuts.

CrafterKat: Donut!

Critter: Corn nut, CrafterKat!

CrafterKat: Donut!

Critter: Corn nut!

JewelGeek, who strongly dislikes corn nuts: Nasty!

* * * * * * * * *

Monday night I chatted with CrafterKat briefly to let her know that I was making dinner. I found an old message from her--it had "Boodle" in it--and stated: I will feed kid. ETA?

The phone beeped at me, signaling her response: Funny, this is a Verizon sample phone.

The lesson here is to erase messages that say "Boodle. Shut up."

Where's The Beef?

For New Years, my mother, the Social Butterfly, came up to the Rose City to do Christmas with us. She recently got a new computer, though, and discovered that her old printer didn't work with Vista; I took her out to find a new one. As we approached the mall, I pointed out different stores in the area.

JewelGeek: Have you been to the mall since they put in the new stores?

Social Butterfly: No, I try to avoid any mall at Christmas time. But I do want to go to the grub steak place.

JewelGeek: Um... Which restaurant?

Social Butterfly: Grub steak! I want to eat there sometime!

JewelGeek, with visions of grubs and steaks in her head: Um... I don't understand...

Social Butterfly, getting more animated: Grub steak! Grub steak! You said that you and CrafterKat went there and they had really large portions!

JewelGeek: Claim Jumper?

Social Butterfly: Grub Stake. Claim Jumper. Whatever.

Recipe for Disaster?

CrafterKat and I enjoy shopping at Trader Joes but we do not have a store close to our home. If we are traveling close to the store for another errand, we inevitably stop in and get munchies. I love the ginger cookies; CrafterKat likes some of the chocolate things. And we always seem to get a bag of pot stickers or other frozen quick dinner item.

This fall, as we drove to Home Depot, we passed the old CompUSA store. It no longer looked desolate. It looked Trader Joesie. The store hadn't opened yet--just a coming soon banner--but we immediately called CrafterKat's parents (who are lucky enough to have a store a mile from their home) to tell them the news. For the next several weeks, whenever we were in the area, we drove by hoping it would be open.

Braving the snow today, on another "get this before the blizzard gets us" errand, we drove by and saw the lights on. CrafterKat and I were like kids on Christmas morning, browsing the shelves looking for munchies. We took our small horde to the cashier, grins on our faces.

The cashier looked over our pile. "BBQ sauce. Water. Bag of prunes. Chocolate.... I give up. What are you making?"

I pulled out my wallet and smiled. "BBQ for pulled pork sandwiches tomorrow. Water bottle for the ride home. Prunes for... Regularity?"

Noble Software

Back in 2000 when I first began working for the Evil PXE, I was asked to buy some entertainment software for the people who live and work on campus. I purchased some Hoyle games, a family tree tracker, and software to produce flyers, greeting cards, etc. It's been eight years now, and the software just isn't keeping up. We asked our intern, BMW Aficionado, to look online for the latest version of Print Master.

"We've got Print Master 12," I told him. "I'm sure they're up to 20 or so, by now."

He checked online and found that Broderbund had indeed updated the title. "They've got Print Master Gold 18 and Print Master Platinum 18," he reported.

Evil PXE smirked. "What? Are they doing the Print Master Heavy Metals series? Can you get Print Master Tungsten?"

BMW Aficionado grinned. "The next version is Print Master Noble Gases."

The End of an Era

Last month marked Princeton's final day working summers in our department. To celebrate his new job, we took him to lunch at McMennamins and listened to tales of his engineering adventures with a company in Newberg.

Princeton: So they've got this AutoCAD program that we used when I worked on the NASA stuff but it's all coded in French and so sometimes the translations aren't quite right... You'll make a modification on a design and then click to adjust it and the program will say, "Unable to render model because model is dirty."

JewelGeek: And after the error message does it surrender to the Germans?

Evil PXE, throwing hands high over his head: To close the error box, click the Capitulate button!

The Sounds of Silence

Overheard at McMenamins

Critter, holding her drama monologue: How long is a Pause?

CrafterKat: What?

Critter: Well, it says in the monologue that I'm supposed to Pause right here. How long is a Pause?

CrafterKat, filtering through her drama knowledge: What sort of effect are you trying to achieve?

Critter, thinking: ...Quietness?

Well, It Was Allegorical

Chaucer: I'm a writer.

Wat: A what?

Chaucer: A wha- a what? A writer. I write, with parchment, and ink. Geoffrey Chaucer's the name, writing's the game. You've read my book? the Book of the Duchess? No? Well, it was allegorical.

Roland: Well, we won't hold that against you, that's for every man to decide for himself.

~A Knight's Tale (2001)

Today at work my fellow geeks had this conversation.

The Evil PXE (typing an e-mail): Why is it 'flexibility'? Why isn't it 'flexability'? Isn't it that you are able to flex? Who said it had to be with an 'i' instead of an 'a'?

JewelGeek (deadpan): It was Chaucer.

Lego Programmer (deadpan): Chaucer. Damn that bastard.

Overheard And OPB

Turn Off The Bubble Machine

Critter, watching The Lawrence Welk Show: Is this like old-time Dancing With The Stars?

Overheard At Home

CrafterKat and I both read some of the Overheard sites. If you've never been, they can be quite... well, not always safe for work, let's say... The original one (I believe) is Overheard in New York because, let's face it, New Yorkers are a bit peculiar in their speech... This one site has spawned many, many more. From colleges across America to Overheard in the Office to even a Rose City site.

We're thinking we need our own site for those one line zingers that leave us chuckling for days. And so, without further ado, we bring you two Overheard at Home:


Just Give It To Me Straight

Critter, finishing up her cat care duties: Poop is heavy.


Another Spot The Sun Don't Shine

Critter, in response to "Do you have your homework?": Yeah, it's in my butt pocket.