i knoe! iz been monthz since teh humanz has ritten anythin on dis siet. iz not 4 lack ov tryin on mah part. i haz been rubbin up aganst thur legs, sittin in frunt ov teh computr screen, an tryin 2 stare them down. sadlee, teh humanz tend 2 finkz dis meanz i wants tuna. or milk. an sometimez i let them bleev dat, cuz, hay, im not goin 2 turn down an offr liek dat.
but, rly, enuf iz enuf. i knoe u loyal reederz has been wonderin wut they haz been up 2, an, moar importantly how im. cuz u all knoe im teh prettiest feline they haz. an far moar intelligent than all teh bois in dis houz rolld togethr. i smell mutch bettr than them, 2--has u seen teh disgustin tings they rolz in?
dis summr seemd 2 be rly busy tiem 4 da humanz, especially teh hooman wif teh curly hair. she lockd us up in wan ov teh rooms 4 full dai 4 no reason jus cuz she had birfdai or somethin. i knoe! it wuz not fair 2 lock me away frum evryone--i knoe they wuz wantin 2 c me! an rumer haz it thar wuz homemade ice creem--nom!--an lawts ov pplz in funny hatz liek wut puss wore in dat shrek movee. they talkd funny 4 da dai--all yo ho ho liek they wuz santa claws or somethin. but it wuz 2 warm 4 santa. i meen, liek "doan-touch-teh-fur-or-els" hawt.
the funniest part of the hole sumr waz wen interloper cat left teh houz for a few hourz and came back all shaved. he tried 2 strut wut waz left of hiz stuf but it jus made me spit up hairbalz each time i sawz him. teh humanz rly like it tho so who im to arguez? jus az long az they doan do it 2 me!
at teh end ov teh summr, teh humanz left us 4 weekz an weekz (wait, mah cuzin teh lil man sez it wuz only few dais, 4 tops) 4 da beach. they went 2 teh aquareeum an didnt even brin bak fish 4 us! so selfish! all they brot bak 4 us starvin kittehs wuz sum empty shoppin bags. no tuna! no milk! wut kind ov vacashun present iz dat?
side nowt... interlopr kat jus interuptd me. hez makin all sorts ov noize. iz jus piteebul. i jus stare at him an he moanz an whinez. 2 funny, i tell u! i swear he wuz not worshippd as deeatee in past life. im thinkin he wuz box ov nails b4 or somethin.
when teh humanz got bak frum teh vacashun, teh gurl began skool again. she leavez me evry dai 2 go an study or somethin. wan dai she wuz rly happeh cuz she got her licens. but i doan bleev her cuz she doan wear it around her neck liek we do.
latr on thar wuz bunch ov cryin an teh humanz kept sayin dat teh wite metal ting in da garage wuz ded. when i lookd in da garage, all i saw wuz wan ov dose hooj metal tings wuz kind ov crunchd up on wan side. it didnt smell ded 2 me jus oilee.
next ting i knoe, teh crunchy metal box iz gone an teh garage iz left open 4 me 2 roll arond on. im tellin u, thaz teh best place evr 2 pulay "katch me, im free!" teh next best place iz outside teh houz wer teh humanz nevr let me go. an rly, they shud. cuz thar r thees hooj wite birdz dat come 2 teh houz all teh tiem an they rly shudnt cuz iz r houz, u knoe?
teh stoopid orang interlopr kat gets 2 go outsid whenevr he wants. iz not fair. hez all fur an no branz. u wantz 2 knoe seekret? when he furst came her he wuz so stoopid--didnt knoe wer teh dor wuz. hed go into teh bafroom, jump into teh tub, an scratch teh wall liek he shud be let oot or somethin. stoopid. evryone knows teh baftub iz jus anothr littr box. wif shampoo smelz.
teh othr interlopr kat? teh stripd boi? he jus sleepz in da gurls room an sits in da windowz. hez got window rite by teh gras an he cant even scare away teh wite birdz. rly, wut purpose doez he serve? i, at least, iz her 4 da humanz--they ned 2 pet pritee kats all teh tiem. thaz mah job. 2 fill dat basic hooman ned. an 2 eat their tuna.
sigh. mah cousin sez dat im rantin an shud git bak 2 teh blog ting.
wer wuz i? christmas, i finkz. teh curly hooman had her pplz heer an they all eatd lawts ov gud fud (nom nom nom!) an gaev us kats lawts ov crinkly papr 2 sit on. it wuz rly gud christmas. lawts ov tasty things on teh hooj green tree (which duzint smell liek tree but it sure lookz liek wan). teh lil man wuz kind ov mad at teh humanz, though, cuz they put all teh kitteh toyz on rly tight an wud yell at us when any ov us trid 2 chew wan off ov teh tree. even old fuzzy slug.
fuzzy slug didnt do dat 2 mutch, tho. she spent mos ov teh tiem lyin in box dat smelld liek rly gud chinees fud, an soakin up teh heat frum teh fireplace. doan tell anywan, but we kats r havin seekret meetin next week 2 figyur out how 2 turn on dat fire. it involvez dis blak box dat teh humanz use. they jus point it at teh square in da wall an flamez shoot up an we git nice an toasty.
hay, we ned 2 stay warm, u knoe. cuz sometimez it gets all wite outside. not liek last yer when teh skoolz closd an all teh humanz had 2 stay home all dai an hold us (ya!) but it doez happen. teh othr hooman, teh wan hoo bakez, it took her 5 hourz 2 driv home rite aftr christmas. she made it home all in wan peece. we all trid 2 sit on her at woncz 2 show her we wuz worrid bout her.
teh next dai she came home frum werk early an when i snuck into teh garage 4 gud roll, teh metal box dat livez on teh far side wuz all crunchd up behind teh bak rubbr weel. dis made evryone cry sum moar. i didnt smelz oily stuff liek teh last wan but frum teh wai evryone actd, i cud tell it wuz ded 2.
so wut did they do? all 3 ov teh humanz left us. agan! weekz an weekz went by--an teh lil man will confirm dis cuz he got lockd in difrent room frum me--an i thot they wud nevr return. teh only gud ting bout teh whole tiem wuz dat i got teh choice window spotz whenevr i wantd them. but no fire. an no tuna eithr.
when they finly came hom they brot new metal box wif them. iz all black an vry tall an smells liek shampoo. but not gud shampoo liek wut teh humanz use. i luv shampoo. fuzzy slug has ting 4 shoez. me? shampoo. cant git enuf ov it. teh lil man sez i nedz 2 c consler or somethin 4 mah shampoo obseshun.
anyways, i finkz thaz all teh stuff uve ben misin. if i finkz ov somethin els ill try 2 let u knoe, especlee if it involvez mah pritee self!
~teh southern belle
p.s. i knoe dat humanz call me doofie sometimez. i finkz iz cuz they doan knoe how 2 spell mah naym rite. fuzzy slug sez dat teh interlopr kats call me teh wickd witch ov teh south. im k wid dat, 2.
but, rly, enuf iz enuf. i knoe u loyal reederz has been wonderin wut they haz been up 2, an, moar importantly how im. cuz u all knoe im teh prettiest feline they haz. an far moar intelligent than all teh bois in dis houz rolld togethr. i smell mutch bettr than them, 2--has u seen teh disgustin tings they rolz in?
dis summr seemd 2 be rly busy tiem 4 da humanz, especially teh hooman wif teh curly hair. she lockd us up in wan ov teh rooms 4 full dai 4 no reason jus cuz she had birfdai or somethin. i knoe! it wuz not fair 2 lock me away frum evryone--i knoe they wuz wantin 2 c me! an rumer haz it thar wuz homemade ice creem--nom!--an lawts ov pplz in funny hatz liek wut puss wore in dat shrek movee. they talkd funny 4 da dai--all yo ho ho liek they wuz santa claws or somethin. but it wuz 2 warm 4 santa. i meen, liek "doan-touch-teh-fur-or-els" hawt.
the funniest part of the hole sumr waz wen interloper cat left teh houz for a few hourz and came back all shaved. he tried 2 strut wut waz left of hiz stuf but it jus made me spit up hairbalz each time i sawz him. teh humanz rly like it tho so who im to arguez? jus az long az they doan do it 2 me!
at teh end ov teh summr, teh humanz left us 4 weekz an weekz (wait, mah cuzin teh lil man sez it wuz only few dais, 4 tops) 4 da beach. they went 2 teh aquareeum an didnt even brin bak fish 4 us! so selfish! all they brot bak 4 us starvin kittehs wuz sum empty shoppin bags. no tuna! no milk! wut kind ov vacashun present iz dat?
side nowt... interlopr kat jus interuptd me. hez makin all sorts ov noize. iz jus piteebul. i jus stare at him an he moanz an whinez. 2 funny, i tell u! i swear he wuz not worshippd as deeatee in past life. im thinkin he wuz box ov nails b4 or somethin.
when teh humanz got bak frum teh vacashun, teh gurl began skool again. she leavez me evry dai 2 go an study or somethin. wan dai she wuz rly happeh cuz she got her licens. but i doan bleev her cuz she doan wear it around her neck liek we do.
latr on thar wuz bunch ov cryin an teh humanz kept sayin dat teh wite metal ting in da garage wuz ded. when i lookd in da garage, all i saw wuz wan ov dose hooj metal tings wuz kind ov crunchd up on wan side. it didnt smell ded 2 me jus oilee.
next ting i knoe, teh crunchy metal box iz gone an teh garage iz left open 4 me 2 roll arond on. im tellin u, thaz teh best place evr 2 pulay "katch me, im free!" teh next best place iz outside teh houz wer teh humanz nevr let me go. an rly, they shud. cuz thar r thees hooj wite birdz dat come 2 teh houz all teh tiem an they rly shudnt cuz iz r houz, u knoe?
teh stoopid orang interlopr kat gets 2 go outsid whenevr he wants. iz not fair. hez all fur an no branz. u wantz 2 knoe seekret? when he furst came her he wuz so stoopid--didnt knoe wer teh dor wuz. hed go into teh bafroom, jump into teh tub, an scratch teh wall liek he shud be let oot or somethin. stoopid. evryone knows teh baftub iz jus anothr littr box. wif shampoo smelz.
teh othr interlopr kat? teh stripd boi? he jus sleepz in da gurls room an sits in da windowz. hez got window rite by teh gras an he cant even scare away teh wite birdz. rly, wut purpose doez he serve? i, at least, iz her 4 da humanz--they ned 2 pet pritee kats all teh tiem. thaz mah job. 2 fill dat basic hooman ned. an 2 eat their tuna.
sigh. mah cousin sez dat im rantin an shud git bak 2 teh blog ting.
wer wuz i? christmas, i finkz. teh curly hooman had her pplz heer an they all eatd lawts ov gud fud (nom nom nom!) an gaev us kats lawts ov crinkly papr 2 sit on. it wuz rly gud christmas. lawts ov tasty things on teh hooj green tree (which duzint smell liek tree but it sure lookz liek wan). teh lil man wuz kind ov mad at teh humanz, though, cuz they put all teh kitteh toyz on rly tight an wud yell at us when any ov us trid 2 chew wan off ov teh tree. even old fuzzy slug.
fuzzy slug didnt do dat 2 mutch, tho. she spent mos ov teh tiem lyin in box dat smelld liek rly gud chinees fud, an soakin up teh heat frum teh fireplace. doan tell anywan, but we kats r havin seekret meetin next week 2 figyur out how 2 turn on dat fire. it involvez dis blak box dat teh humanz use. they jus point it at teh square in da wall an flamez shoot up an we git nice an toasty.
hay, we ned 2 stay warm, u knoe. cuz sometimez it gets all wite outside. not liek last yer when teh skoolz closd an all teh humanz had 2 stay home all dai an hold us (ya!) but it doez happen. teh othr hooman, teh wan hoo bakez, it took her 5 hourz 2 driv home rite aftr christmas. she made it home all in wan peece. we all trid 2 sit on her at woncz 2 show her we wuz worrid bout her.
teh next dai she came home frum werk early an when i snuck into teh garage 4 gud roll, teh metal box dat livez on teh far side wuz all crunchd up behind teh bak rubbr weel. dis made evryone cry sum moar. i didnt smelz oily stuff liek teh last wan but frum teh wai evryone actd, i cud tell it wuz ded 2.
so wut did they do? all 3 ov teh humanz left us. agan! weekz an weekz went by--an teh lil man will confirm dis cuz he got lockd in difrent room frum me--an i thot they wud nevr return. teh only gud ting bout teh whole tiem wuz dat i got teh choice window spotz whenevr i wantd them. but no fire. an no tuna eithr.
when they finly came hom they brot new metal box wif them. iz all black an vry tall an smells liek shampoo. but not gud shampoo liek wut teh humanz use. i luv shampoo. fuzzy slug has ting 4 shoez. me? shampoo. cant git enuf ov it. teh lil man sez i nedz 2 c consler or somethin 4 mah shampoo obseshun.
anyways, i finkz thaz all teh stuff uve ben misin. if i finkz ov somethin els ill try 2 let u knoe, especlee if it involvez mah pritee self!
~teh southern belle
p.s. i knoe dat humanz call me doofie sometimez. i finkz iz cuz they doan knoe how 2 spell mah naym rite. fuzzy slug sez dat teh interlopr kats call me teh wickd witch ov teh south. im k wid dat, 2.